on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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