I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
