I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
