I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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