So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
