Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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