Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
