there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
