you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
