i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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