Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
