from now on my penis is your penis
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
