you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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