i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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