Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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