I met the friendliest cop last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
