I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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