do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
