My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
