How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
