I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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