I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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