i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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