Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I cannot find my penis.

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  (617): I cannot find my penis. http://tfl.nu/w331
  Replies (32) Good night (803) Bad night (2430)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.

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  (973): i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex. http://tfl.nu/uspy
  Replies (13) Good night (2907) Bad night (575)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.

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  (919): I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment. http://tfl.nu/zj28
  Replies (25) Good night (3160) Bad night (968)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN

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  (513): direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN http://tfl.nu/vd6u
  Replies (6) Good night (918) Bad night (3491)
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  (310): View more from California

  the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.

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  (310): the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him. http://tfl.nu/jidd
  Replies (27) Good night (7124) Bad night (1659)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.

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  (608): Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there. (1-608): Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it. http://tfl.nu/bpdw
  Replies (40) Good night (5038) Bad night (1086)
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  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

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  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28780) Bad night (2197)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.

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  (207): I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/pgeg
  Replies (30) Good night (7084) Bad night (1122)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.

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  (763): I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like. http://tfl.nu/kktd
  Replies (9) Good night (807) Bad night (3637)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.

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  (917): I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out. http://tfl.nu/g8zl
  Replies (27) Good night (5393) Bad night (2529)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow

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  (404): I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow http://tfl.nu/bfg7
  Replies (14) Good night (3290) Bad night (1358)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.

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  (709): I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking. http://tfl.nu/va6a
  Replies (2) Good night (1808) Bad night (777)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately

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  (913): Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately http://tfl.nu/v1vv
  Replies (8) Good night (1567) Bad night (553)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.

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  (304): I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell. http://tfl.nu/ufac
  Replies (17) Good night (1768) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?

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  (978): do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man? http://tfl.nu/w8vx
  Replies (7) Good night (1347) Bad night (353)

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