At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.