Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.