I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
