Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me

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  (404): i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me http://tfl.nu/gwgk
  Replies (8) Good night (851) Bad night (2337)
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  (619): View more from California

  DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES

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  (619): DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES http://tfl.nu/9dpy
  Replies (23) Good night (5092) Bad night (631)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises

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  (407): I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises http://tfl.nu/5v7b
  Replies (8) Good night (2852) Bad night (718)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.

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  (810): That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head. (810): I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again. http://tfl.nu/3d2e
  Replies (17) Good night (3146) Bad night (869)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.

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  (641): My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/v9dh
  Replies (9) Good night (3766) Bad night (1102)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.

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  (717): Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl. http://tfl.nu/lse9
  Replies (8) Good night (2237) Bad night (865)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.

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  (618): I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/7cee
  Replies (2) Good night (3564) Bad night (587)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.

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  (705): I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/bmha
  Replies (3) Good night (649) Bad night (1078)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I have a hunch Mama J got around.

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?

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  (660): I have a hunch Mama J got around. (660): Am I allowed to say that about my own mom? http://tfl.nu/20rk
  Replies (4) Good night (367) Bad night (619)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits

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  (425): I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits http://tfl.nu/tp61
  Replies (5) Good night (527) Bad night (368)
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  (925): View more from California

  After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head

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  (925): After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head http://tfl.nu/8zj4
  Replies (4) Good night (1031) Bad night (357)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!

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  (406): That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face! http://tfl.nu/7j4j
  Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (501)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"

  (571): View more from Virginia

  why not an indie porn pic then

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  (202): And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr" (571): why not an indie porn pic then http://tfl.nu/a81c
  Replies (2) Good night (703) Bad night (287)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.

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  (347): I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical. http://tfl.nu/o6lg
  Replies (7) Good night (741) Bad night (365)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.

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  (484): You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist. http://tfl.nu/h22k
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (315)

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