You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.