Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy