She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Actions speak louder than pants.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.