If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
