it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
