Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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