Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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