he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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