You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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