i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have grass duct taped all over my body
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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