she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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