it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
