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I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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