She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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