she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I party with great urgency now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
