So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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