life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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