when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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