oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
