Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
