Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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