the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
