Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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