Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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