woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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