Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
