After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
