Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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