he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
