I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
