There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
