so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
