When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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