there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize