I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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