you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
