Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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