Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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