In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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