very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
