true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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