Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
