in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
